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Teenage dating question

This topic contains 19 replies, has 0 voices, and was last updated by  ginmart 9 years, 6 months ago.

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  • #168068

    Scarlet
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    My daughter almost 16 would like to go to the movies with a boy from school. She wants us to drop her off and pick her up from the theater. We said not until we meet him, can you go to the movies with him. She thought we were being ridiculous so she canceled, rather then tell him that we wanted to meet him. My son 19 always went and met the parents before he went out with a girl. What are your thoughts?

  • #180712

    joy
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    I say keep being ‘ridiculous’ and don’t cave. I call that good and reasonable parenting.

    That’s all I can contribute because I am still a couple of years away from that reality so for now I choose instead to do this: :lalala:

  • #180713

    newmom
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    I think you are being reasonable. You are looking out for her but she just doesn’t understand why yet.
    Perhaps he doesn’t have his own transportation to get to your house. It sounds like maybe he is getting a ride to the theaters too-can you meet him when you drop her off?

  • #180722

    Scarlet
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    We gave her that option, we knew he did not have his license yet, we told her we could meet 15 minutes before the movie started.

  • #180715

    superior
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    You are being totaly reasonable. If he is a good enough guy she will be excited to show you that.

  • #180714

    newmom
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    Well you tried to compromise with her and be flexible and it wasn’t hood enough for her. It was her choice to cancel the date. You have to be the adult one and meet dates and know who she is hanging out with.

  • #180719

    tlavery
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    Oh I agree……you are being more than reasonable. Stick to your guns and she will understand soon enough.

  • #180709

    EGL Admin
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    I agree with the others. At 16 parents should meet the other person, boy or girl. Maybe even meet the other parents when it’s possible. Nothing wrong with that.

  • #180721

    pepsilvr
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    She should be glad he didn’t have to come to a family dinner before taking her out. You are not being unreasonable. Her choice she will figure it soon though.

  • #180716

    superior
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    I always liked the whole “meet the Parents routine” To me at least that meant that my gal liked me a whole lot, respected her parents, and wanted them to know she was going to be taken care of.. And I wanted to know exactly who was gonna be coming to kick my ass if we got busted skipping the movies. We had a term for that. I was 16 and my Long term GF at the time asked me if “I wanted to go “never to the movies” on a Friday night” I said huh????? What movie is that???? She laughed and said no silly its not the name of a movie….My parents are out tonight so “we can go never to the movies just straight to my house… It became a common saying for my high school peers and we have even joked about it on FB today kids ask each other if they “hooked up” with so and so. Back then we asked if you went “never to the movies” with your date…………..LOL …..Good times……Fun times

  • #180711

    doclaguna
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    Do you want to be the parent or the friend? Your instinct is right. Call her bluff.

  • #180717

    tomwaltman
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    Take her to the convent up in Newcastle, and show her around. Then let her know that you will always expect to meet any boy she wants to date until she is 30. She won’t know you are only sorta kidding until she is 22 or so.

  • #180710

    diyaner
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    You are not being ridiculous. While my kids pretty much only hooked up for school functions at that age, we made sure we met their date. More often than not, we met the parent/s as well

  • #180727

    Conscious_Mom
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    I see both sides on this issue, oddly. On the one hand, I think you are being a reasonable parent, watching for your child’s integrity. On the other hand, I can remember having a major crush on one guy in particular in h.s. We had “meet-up” dates (like he would buy me desert at the restaurant where he worked when he got off) and I was not secure enough with him to have him meet my parents. All the guys who fully asked me out, as in, “I’ll pick you up at 6:00 on Sat.” met my parents. But with this one guy who was always casual about the dates, so that they were never really official, I would have been mortified to ask him to meet my parents (I thought he would bolt at something so official sounding). He did eventually meet my parents though…ironically, right toward the end of our “relationship.”

    I offer this little story because when I read the OP, I thought of how complex and uncertain the teenage years can be. And I know how quickly teens today hook up (even quicker than when I was a teen!). It’s so important to have strong boundaries. But it’s also important to keep a teen from feeling provoked into going behind parents’ backs, where they can get into significantly more trouble. I think it was a nice touch to offer to meet the guy before the movie, although 15 minutes might have sounded terrifying. 🙂

  • #180723

    Scarlet
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    CM – I have thought about that also, what’s keeping her from meeting him when all her friends go to the movies and they go off together to see another movie. Believe it or not she has been pretty honest with us. We explained we just want to know who he is, we want to be a part of your teenage life, not just somebody glances in the window during your teenage years. Our son was so different, told us everything and we would compare our high school memories, she is just very private and it drives us nuts. I was going to have my husband keep the shotgun at home 😉
    I’ve always told my kids I need to know where and who you are with, so if something happens and police are involved your parents don’t look like idiots. (lol)

  • #180718

    Basketballcoach
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    It is right to want to meet the parents. To show her boyfriend you don’t mess around have your husband cleaning his shotgun when the boy arives. You won’t need to talk much then, he will get the point.

    :sword:

  • #180728

    ginmart
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    It sounds like your daughter is testing her boundaries. You are totally right to insist on meeting her date. Stick with your decision and someday you will both look back and laugh about it.

  • #180724

    Scarlet
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    If she doesn’t give me a heart attack first. I knew I should have purchased stock in hair color, every time she makes my temperature rise I feel a new gray hair popping out – lol

  • #180720

    tlavery
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    @scarlet 2492 wrote:

    If she doesn’t give me a heart attack first. I knew I should have purchased stock in hair color, every time she makes my temperature rise I feel a new gray hair popping out – lol

    011.gif OMG I don’t envy you! I have the four legged kind of kids and they give me gray hair too, but at least they can’t tempertantrum.gif

  • #180726

    jelumil
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    Yeah, I don’t like what the teenage years are doing to my hair either!

    I think you’re doing the right thing in meeting her date. I do the same thing with my two teens.

  • #180725

    5dwebers
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    Just be careful because kids now days will find ways to sneak around things they dislike. Not that you shouldn’t trust her, but the next time she goes to the movies with a girlfriend it could be the girlfriend and the boy. I’ve heard of that happening in my realm of the teenage clan. Yes, I have to admit I do eavesdrop from time to time. Sometimes I have 10 teenage boys in my house at the same time. I can’t believe some of the things they talk about and they’re all good kids.

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