Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married….

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  • #177503

    plasmadrive
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    The other night I was invited out for a night with the ‘girls.’
    I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, ‘I promise!’
    Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
    Around 3 a..m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

    Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up And cuckooed 3 times.
    Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
    I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted
    Solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
    (Even when totally smashed…. 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)
    The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him ‘MIDNIGHT’… He didn’t seem pissed off in the least.
    Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said ‘We need a new cuckoo clock.’

    When I asked him why, he said, ‘Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said ‘oh shit.’ Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its
    Throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

  • #293983

    Scarlet
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    A guy is driving around the back woods and he sees a sign in front of a broken down, shanty-style house: “Talking Dog For Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
    The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
    “You talk?” he asks. “Yep,” the Lab replies.

    After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says “So, what’s your story?”

    The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. “I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. “I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

    The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. “Ten dollars,” the guy says.

    “Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap??”

    “Because the dog’s a liar. He never did any of that crap.”

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